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4th June, 2009

07:15 pm - mercy me, god bless catastrophe. It's February. I hate this month. It's pointless and far too short and just WHY does it exist. Could we not just have 11 months and make each one, say 34 days or something? Even better! metricise (now a word. I have the Librarian's Authority, do not question) the whole thing. 10 months! 36.5 days each! Today is now January the 35th. March will begin half way through Saturday. It doesn't have to make sense, people, because it's logical. This. Is why I despise maths. I actually couldn't care less what date or even month it is. It's still miserable weather outside, yes? I still have to turn up to work, yes? Then my life of semi-disappointments and clinging on in quiet desperation continues. As does the life of every other British person I know. Christ on a bike, by now it's a national hobby, people. In fact. Now I've found me a lackey (admittedly, a pasty one who either moans or is terrified...), I'm taking the weekend off. That nice Ravenclaw's in charge. Toodlepip. ( Nick ) ( Heather ) ( Private. )

(49 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

6th May, 2009

08:02 pm - brrrrrrrrr. Seriously, I'm lonely here. Nobody's about! This is frustrating as hell. The new students suck and are either annoying or boring or a brilliant combination of both. (seriously, that kid knows more than is humanly good about the Quidditch scores of the last century. I AM NOT GIVING HIM ANY MORE BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT FOR HIS OWN GOOD) Sigh. I guess I'll go read this book about... 101 Uses for Newts. Lovely. Just the sort of riveting thing I love to read. Honest, Porpa-whatsit. Are you not done being all... mr-family-man yet? I NEED SOMEONE TO TORTURE. Hmph. Blow it, I'm going dragon hunting. IN SPACE. Bwahaha. ( Heather )

(49 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

19th January, 2009

02:03 am - just lay here and forget the world. I hate, hate, hate first years. ESPECIALLY THOSE USELESS ONES WHO WANT TO BE ASSISTANTS AND ACTUALLY DO REAL WORK. Hell, why are they so surprised when I don't do anything? My job's just to sit and glare and sup at my wine. Sigh. Don't know what to do with some of these people. None at all. you, you, porp-whateverthefuck.. I want you to stop fucking...well, actually, reproducing and come back. I need to have a member of staff to keep me interested with stolen books. ( private ) ( Heather )

(30 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

3rd January, 2009

03:10 pm - It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired. ( Heather ) I really need an assistant. Come on, you can't all be that lazy. I don't want to have to show EVERY single first year where the books are. Seriously, we're in a LIBRARY. Where do you THINK the books are? I even ordered them all nice and neatly sensibly, or something, and yet you still come to me and complain. I'm the authority here, and yet they keep complaining. Do we have to have first years every year? Can't we just forget to send the train one year? That'd be wonderful.

(34 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

1st October, 2008

10:02 pm - this is the way we disappear, it's easy if we burn out like a star. ( Private ) ( Heather! ) mmmmmmmmmmmm. no more work. Not that I did much anyway, I can hear you detractors cry. It is my library, and it was perfectly tidy. For which I would like to thank my trusty assistant for the year, Heather Jameson. Applaud her, people, she kept the library suitibly tidy and helped maintain the atmosphere of a Parisian bistro (If the Frenchman contradicts me, don't believe him). I'm also looking for one for next year. Smoking privilages provided. Must be interested in literature and prepared to be bossed around.

(67 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

15th September, 2008

02:15 am - over flown but under worn so please come follow me ( Private ) ( Heaaaaaaaaaaather. ) Sometimes, days are wonderful, even with hangovers. These are the days we wish we could remember, but all we're getting is headache. Nevermind. Smoking'll cure that. Current Mood: chipper

(50 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

1st September, 2008

12:17 am - I quite probably, by all means, need some sleep. You know, people, it's not gossip if you all announce it over the scrolls. It really isn't. Thank you for ruining my major reason for existance. Books can manage themselves, but gossip? That takes work. Now what am I supposed to do? Oh well. Red wine or white? Or perhaps I shall go exotic and have sangria. Dammit, where's Heather when you need her?

(32 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

25th March, 2008

05:32 pm - Of all the things... Who let students into this school? For the love of God... I swear, you're going to pay for this, Abime. I'm going to make all the Arithmancy books eat your hand off. Heather, watch the library, you can have an extra pack of fags for your trouble. Current Mood: bitchy

(6 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

11th February, 2008

01:02 pm - the wanderer has found a course to follow. I heard something about free muffins? Or half price or something? Am I right? Or am I sorely mistaken and should I go back to trying to eat cup-a-soup without the water? Surprisingly tasty at three am after far too much wine. A bit crunchy, but quite alright. Or does this only count for students and those poncy members of staff who have the 'right' to put 'Professor' before their name? What about poor old, muffinless, me? I think I'm going to give up and re-order some of these books. Which is really a para-phrase for getting three books in, deciding that it looks interesting and sitting and reading for the rest of the afternoon. Well, all the kids are in lessons...what else am I supposed to do? Work? Aahaha. This is why I have an assistant. And am spending a lot of my time looking into the possibility of free muffins. Oh, and listening to library gossip. Current Mood: confused

(23 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

18th December, 2007

01:02 pm - give some meaning to the means to your end. WHAT THE HELL?! I come back to work and quite literally walk into a wall of books. You'd think, when I get some new ones from that-place-where-you-have-to-write-to-to-sell-you-books-to-put-in-your-library, they'd send them in boxes or something. Or someone wouldn't go to the great trouble of piling them up around my desk whilst I wasn't here. Aaaaah. I might just leave them there. Or build myself a small fort. Or...ooh, I wonder what this one is. Oh no. Oh. NO. *several ink scratchings* ANYONE IN THE CASTLE? A LITTLE HELP HERE. Wouldn't go unnoticed. I'm a bit stuck. Heather? Someone? If nobody's going to help me out, someone could at least poke a house elf down here to get me a sandwich, a cigarette and a glass of wine. Sigh. I knew I should have stayed at home. This is not good with a hangover. Current Mood: crushed - quite literally

(42 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

18th November, 2007

09:46 pm - snoooooooooooore. I am so bored. So, so bored. An a little bit drunk, but yknow. Don't matter much, I'm on holiday. Din't matter before, now I think 'bout it. I have read books over and over. I thin my lungs are gonna collapse. Possibly. All this damn smoking. Oh! Wait! I'm setting a crappy example. Got to remember. Students. Kids! Don't drink! Don't smoke! Don't...um...read! No, wait, you can do that one. Apparently, colleagues of mine have had children! But do I get informed? Noooooo. Miserable. I might have even brought the sticky critter a cuddly toy or something. Now? You get NOTHING. It's like they wouldn't trust ME around their son....I wonder why? Oh...that's why. I just spent six minutes glaring at a cat in the street outside. Bored. Someone enlighten me. Current Mood: bored

(12 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

13th October, 2007

05:18 pm - grack. There is a ball. One of those events where the drinks are few and the people are many. No doubt it'll be everything I expect and less. Spectacular. However, there is free alcohol and I get to laugh at you all. Could be productive. Oh, and I've been told I have to go. Oh, the fun of being a member of staff. I hope all you students are happy. Hmph. ...Someone has stolen my cigarettes. This is immoral. I ought to find them...and...too much effort. Anyone got any cigarettes? Current Mood: annoyed

(16 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

25th September, 2007

03:24 pm - I've never been an extrovert, but I'm still breathing. THE QUEUES. Oh, dear lord, the queues of panicking people. Amazingly patient panicking people, to be honest. I guess that's the British in you. The having to be here is simply the lazy in you, and yes, you can bloody wait to check out that book, you should have been here WEEKS ago, not today. So, who's going to fail their exams? Aside from the people desperately queueing here. I'd get an assistant to deal with this, but that means I'd have some student constantly lurking around, telling me how I shouldn't do this and shouldn't do that. Either that or they'd be an arsekisser. ...Wait, there are possiblities there. Who wants to be my human plaything/slave library monkey? I'll pay you and you can...um...have whatever books you like for how ever long you want and...most of it'll be skiving off, honest to God. OH! And you can put it in that bit of your CV where you have to prove you're a real person. Anyone? No? Shame. ( Lisa ) Current Mood: busy

(12 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

7th September, 2007

09:50 am - See, I do nice things on occasion. A quick note. Someone has left a big wodge of history notes in my library. I burnt them to keep warm. It's freezing down here. Kidding. I'm keeping them in my desk drawer, along with a button, a Slytherin tie, and something which looks like a pot of ink that's imploded. Anyone want to claim them, because I don't have room for junk like this around here? Now, where's my cigarettes? Current Mood: bored

(16 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

3rd September, 2007

04:16 pm - I'm missing something here. I have heard something rather ridiculous recently. People are scared of me. Whilst I am flattered by your timidity, I really only have one word for you all. CHICKENS. Yes, you heard me. Since when was anyone afraid of someone who was smoking. Mother of God, let's hope you people never go into a bar in your life, or even some kind of sporting event. Oh, the fear that will instill in you. Seriously, though. What IS that about? I just sit and leave you to your own devices. I don't even expect complete quiet unless I'm entirely hungover, so what are you complaining about? Besides, you have other things to be terrified of, never mind me. Exams for one. So let's stop beating each other up and get your arses in here studying, tout suite, understand? more people in here, the more it looks like I'm doing my job. Oh, and I extended the returning charms on my books for three weeks, instead of two. Consider that generous. If anyone tries to steal any at the end of the year, my books will resist in every way possible. They have been trained in several forms of martial art, so don't think I'm messing you around here. Tis all. Current Mood: confused

(38 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

23rd August, 2007

11:47 am - You may now call me 'your Excellency' Good news, everyone! I now have the official title of Hogwarts' Bastard (censored for the kiddiwinks, because you're ever so innocent) 1978. I now want a badge, because I have duties to be fulfilling. And don't worry, I'm never enthusiastic about my work, so I won't be doing anything bastard like which involves getting out of my chair. Incidentally, my walking book scheme seems to be working well as a method of getting my books back. That'll teach you to not return them on time. Feel the wrath of the librarian. In other news, this violence better desist now you impressionable midgets are away from Gandalf the Violent and he's been replaced with the Butler who Butled for the Queen. I sincerely hope he sets a good example for you all. Talking of which, Professor Fisher, didn't you say it was ever so nice to give the librarian five galleons every time you came in the library and he didn't find cause to insult or berate you? I'm sure you did. By all means, lead by example, professor. Tis all. Current Mood: amused

(38 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

13th August, 2007

03:03 pm - I'm biased and by this I'll judge you. ( Private ) I'm bored. I thought students were supposed to come in this place. Where've you GONE? Don't tell me you're off learning. Can't be having that, can we? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE FUN OF AND ANNOY NOW? Even the Quirrel kid isn't here. Something must be wrong. Ah well, more drinking, reading and smoking time. ( Lisa ) Current Mood: bored

(6 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

26th July, 2007

11:41 am - I confide in wolves at night. After spending an entire morning fighting off rogue books with more teeth than is generally allowed by bookmakers during the printing process, I not only have some interesting wounds inflicted by a copy of 'How to Heal 1000 types of bite.', which unfortunately doesn't have anything on being bitten by a book. It also knocked over my wine. So, before I head to the hospital wing, a slight public service announcement. Finite Incantatem and Protego are your friends. Use them wisely and don't come complaining to me when your homework attacked you, okay? Signed, Dylan McHafferty, Supreme Guardian of All Books and the Territory that lays with in. See, I do have helpful moments. ((And yes, I know I'm not here. Actually, I'm not going until tomorrow. I just didn't think I'd get any time online today. But I did. So there.)) Current Mood: cynical

(What are you doing here?)

11th July, 2007

07:26 pm - A reason to show a side of me you didn't know. ( Private ) ( Lisa ) I was bored. Again. So I drew you all a picture. Want to see? OF COURSE YOU DON'T. That's why I'm showing you anyway. Enjoy. I AM OWED BOOKS, PEOPLE. WATCH AS THEY RUN AWAY FROM YOU. Come to daddy, little leather bound creatures, come to daddy. What? I'm mad? Pah. Current Mood: artistic

(4 annoyances | What are you doing here?)

28th June, 2007

09:51 pm - New levels of pathetic. ( Private ) ( Note shoved under Lisa's door. ) A slight notice to you students. I am starting to charm all my books to refuse to open after two weeks out of the library. After three weeks, they will pointedly avoid you because you're clearly a lazy bugger who can't be bothered to make the short trip down to the library to re-sign the book out. Thank you, that is all. Is it the Ides of March yet? I need a calendar. Current Mood: uncomfortable

(14 annoyances | What are you doing here?)